i've never been a crier. i've always held it in. i'm not quite sure why but it's just always how i've been.

unless.....

it's something so ridiculously adorable or happy. then i am a weepy mess. usually in private though.

weddings kill me but i always feel like the biggest loser sitting there crying...especially if i'm not super close to the couple. i got all teary eyed this past summer at a wedding where i was the date of one of the groomsmen...and i had never even met the couple! sometimes i force myself to cry in preparation. is that weird? probably.

so tonight i stumbled upon this little video of a paralyzed man dancing with his wife. i should have known to get the tissues ready. this is one of the sweetest things i've ever seen. please watch it. it'll make your heart feel wonderful.

such a brave, brave woman and a very determined and strong man.

and now i feel the need to leave you with this:

because regardless if you have a boyfriend, husband, partner or whoever in your life, we all have love from someone or something. and that, my friends, is just fantastic.

tuesdays. what the heck are they good for?

i am, for the most part, an optimistic person but i can't help but get slightly miserable on tuesdays. mondays always suck but they're the beginning of a new week...who knows, maybe even a great, life changing week. wednesdays...that's hump day. halfway to the weekend. this i can handle. thursdays..well thats a day away from friday and obviously friday is the best day ever.

but tuesdays. i just can never come up with something good about them. i think thats why they started $6 movie nights at the theaters. something people can look forward to so they can make it through til hump day.

speaking of movies. please please pleaseeee tell me you've gone to see the hunger games. if you haven't, well....STOP EVERYTHING. right this very minute. google movie times and pick one asap. you.must.go.see.it.
now i was obviously a fan of the books because honestly, who isn't? but i was very impressed by the movie adaptation. usually when a book becomes a movie, i cringe. they always seem to mess something up whether it be casting or just the way the screen play was written. but they were almost spot on with the hunger games. jennifer lawrence is most definitely my new girl crush. she killed it as katniss. at first i was a little skeptical but that girl has got some serious skills.

and with that all said and done, i leave you with this super sexy picture of some of the cast from their Vanity Fair shoot. love.

how i use the computer

here is how i use the computer:

clearly he does not realize and/or care how vital it is to have your hands/eyes available when using a computer. selfish little beast.

whoa mamma it's been a rough few days being me.

first, as you probably already know, i got my wisdom teeth yanked out.
then, i went through the pain of recovering. good grief, that was awful. if you know me, you know i loveeeeeee eating. so not being able to cook or eat anything besides mush these past few days has been slowly killing me.

finally, just as my mouth was starting to heal i ran across a road block:

 PAIN KILLER WITHDRAWAL.

now, i don't have an addictive personality and never in my life thought i would have withdrawals from any drugs or alcohol but just when you least expect it..... WHAM! you're down for the count.

i probably should have read up a little on what i was taking after the surgery but nope, just decided to trust the doctor's prescription and take it like the nice little orange bottle stated. WRONG IDEA.

i was prescribed Percocet. all i knew about percs were that some kids in college would take them at night if they didn't have booze and had a few left over from surgery. no big deal. once again......WRONG. these things are major. i took them for only 2 days and decided to stop because i didn't think they were doing much besides making me dizzy and drowsy. i went along my merry way all day yesterday, still a little dazed but feeling good considering.

then today rolled around. man ohhhhh man, was that a different story. i woke up feeling awful and couldn't quite figure out what was wrong. i knew i was in a funk all last night and went to bed early thinking that'd help. welp, it didn't. i didn't sleep a wink. i dragged my butt into work after a 4 day hiatus and was having a hard time keeping it together. i tried to explain to my mother (my boss) just how i was feeling but really couldn't figure out how to explain it.

fast forward an hour: i have my head on my desk talking to her and broke into hysterics. then i started laughing...then crying because it hurt to laugh. i was an all around mess! i was sent home immediately and it took me about 2 hours just to calm down.

it's been quite a few hours since my freak out and i'm still really out of whack. i did some good 'ol fashioned googling and discovered i really shouldn't have been put on Percocet because i'm already on an anti-depressant/anti-anxiety medication. shouldn't they have checked that long sheet they made me fill out that clearly states the medication i am on? so crazy.

so case in point: ask your dr.'s about your medication! some of these things they prescribe so frivolously are highly addictive and dangerous and no fun when you're a sweet little naive thing like me and do as your dr. tells you.

the "after" pic

now normally i would NEVER EVER EVER put a picture of myself up without makeup on, looking this terrible but honestly, i'm so tired and miserable, i don't care. as you can see, my cheek is sooooooo swollen. that's the side i got two teeth pulled on and one of them was so far up they had to use a drill. i cannot imagine having all 4 taken out. that's all for now because it's time for a nap and more medication. night all.

ouch

today i got my wisdom teeth out. 

i still can't feel the left side of my face...which is wonderful a the moment. i haven't had to take any pain meds but i am sure that'll have to happen very soon.

 here's a lovely picture of me on the couch. 

i look like crap but feeling alright so thats a plus.

you can see my blankie. am i the only one that still has one? this was made for me by an aunt and i have slept with it since i was born. i don't care that i'm 25, i love it and will keep it forever.

i'm sure i will be back in a bit. it may be an entertaining  post since i will be all sorts of messed up on pain killers.

make these

you should make this cake. well cupcakes in this instance.

this is my favorite cake. and to be quite honest, i don't even like cake. 

i have been recruited to make cupcakes as favors for my cousin's future wife's bridal shower. whoa, that's a mouthful. anyways, i am flattered...but scared to death. baking has always been a hobby but to present it like i actually know what i am doing?  now thats intimidating. tonight i was just messing around and wanted to make something easy but also nice and tasty. i was thinking about using this recipe for the favors but also know, it's not 100% homemade and don't want people to think i'm some sort of imposter.

this is a recipe from Southern Living magazine a few years back. I made it for Christmas and it got rave reviews. I then decided to bring some to an all day St Patrick's day extravaganza in Hoboken, NJ. this is like the mother of all st. patty's parades and i was nervous. so obviously, i decided to bribed everyone into liking me. i got so many funny stares walking in with cupcakes i thought i was going to cry. people had no interest in my cutesy ice breaker. all they cared about was beer. 

so after i got the death stares, i convinced one of the nicer guys to try one. POOF. he melted into a puddle of kori-worshipper. later, after a few, my anxiety of the cupcakes reseeded and while getting myself another beer, i noticed that exact guy walking around with the tray handing out my cupcakes and explaining the cake and frosting to everyone. "hahahahahahaha" was about the only thing i could think of doing at the exact moment. 

so here's the recipe (don't be deterred by the crappy comments on the website, clearly it was a baker error and not a recipe error): Sugar and Spice cake 

*just a quick note: don't freeze the cake for an hour. honestly, who has that kind of time anyways? crazy people who don't drink, that's who.

my very first yoga class experience

i'm dead. dead tired that is.

a few weeks ago i got the crazy idea to buy a groupon for a yoga studio here in good 'ol rhode island. i looked up reviews beforehand and knew it was going to be a good, clean place. i was super excited to get such a good deal and because i've been doing a yoga video at home i loved and was looking forward to giving a class a whirl.

so i followed all the directions for newbies on the website: drank lots of water, didn't eat two hours beforehand and realized i might not be able to get all the moves right away but to do my best.

so there i am, driving to my class having a mild anxiety attack because i had no idea what i was getting myself into. first off, let me tell you a little about this specific yoga class. the room is 105 degrees. yes, you read that right 105. they pump in fresh air and humidity to make it a little more bearable and i thought that if other people can do it, certainly a lifelong athlete would be able to.

WRONGGGGGGGG. yoga isn't all about flexibility and strength. there's a whole other mental aspect that clearly, i struggle with. with that being said, this class was tough. there were a few times i thought i might throw up or faint. i was lucky to have the most wonderful instructor who encouraged us all to take a seat if we needed to. i was so stubborn at first and told myself "i should be able to do this!" but after seeing a few other people taking a break i decided to give in and get my breathing in check. that and i was so drenched in sweat it was getting into my eyes and blurring my vision.

i was able to get through it though. and the second half of the class was amazing. it was a nice mental vacation and group therapy session all in one. laying there is some pose with 20 other people you didn't know, it was inspiring. there was no talking. just all of us laying in silence and focusing on breathing. glorious.

afterwards, i felt like a million bucks. i had sweat out approximately 5 gallons of fluid and was so calm and proud.

fast forward 2 hours: i am dead. drained and exhausted. the most amazing shower gave way to the most amazing nap of my life. it closely resembled the last nap of a really long cold or flu. the one where you feel like you're just now feeling better but still have that overall hotness/fever. talk about a detoxing day.

it over 12 hours later and i still have that lingering "i just conquered the world" sensation so needless to say, i will be back in that sweat-box this weekend. until then, i will be sleeping and training myself to become a camel.

ciao.

my favorite pose for obvious reasons: savasana or more affectionately known as "the corpse"

durka dee durka doo

am i the only one who feels this way?

i feel like i'm in a constant uphill battle with my career/life. i need a break.

it seems that every week i walk into work with a sense of optimism. slowly but surely it is broken down. sometimes its by thursday or friday but this week it was tuesday. impressive.

and then when this happens, i start thinking about all the lovely jobs i'm going to apply to...which never happens. c'mon self, GET TO IT!

so here it is: my proclamation to get a new job:

 I WILL GET A NEW JOB BY THE SUMMER. 

there are certainly people i know reading this and saying "heard that before" but whatever, it'll happen this time. i bet you $1.25 it will.

onto way more awesomer things:

i'm taking a photography class that is EXTREMELY hard. its digital photography 100 but the professor is a die-hard photographer that assumes we should be up to her level. so far she likes my stuff but she gave me a B+ on my first project and that ticked me off. especially since i got such good feedback from my classmates. whatever.

here is a more recent photo i took of my sister on a reallyyyyyyy cold day. 

obviously not the greatest pic in the world but honestly, its so cold and miserable out lately, there is nothing great to photograph. so i am stuck photographing dead grass and dull skies. c'mon mother nature, give me something to work with.

i am getting the death stare from my boss for clearly avoiding doing the task she asked me to do. guess thats my cue.

sunday get shit-done day

honestly, when i have friends post things on facebook like "sunday funday" i'm like...wait, whattttt? what the hell is that?

you're telling me that people have time to go out and get drunk all day? you're telling me they have nothing else that they actually HAVE to do? c'mon now. either i'm becoming old at the ripe age of 25 or there is seriously something wrong with their lives.

sunday people. its a day to lounge around and get stuff done that you put off the rest of the week...not a day to drink your face off. thats what monday-saturday are for. i mean...what?

anyways. here's what got accomplished in my household today.

   strawberry and nutella crepes. boom.

it was like chocolate covered strawberries nestled in the most scrumptious thing you could imagine.
usually when i am in the mood to cook, i just google whatever i'm in the mood for and get going. so today, i was led to the closet cook. great idea. the crepes turned out stupendous. so much better than the first time i tried to tackle them.

make them. now, in an hour, tomorrow, in a month...whenever. just make them. you won't be disappointed.


then i spent the rest of the day shopping. now, i'm not made of money...in fact, i'm super frugal but sometimes, you just need some retail therapy.

get ready to be amazed-balls. yes, thats a word.

first up: a trip to Berk's. a shoe store on a funky little street in downtown Providence. I rarely go because i rarely buy shoes but today was my day indeed. HUGEEEE sale and i just couldn't resist these bad boys.

  shiny silver sperry's and sparkly tom's. and get this....

tom's- $19  sperry's: $26  how that was even possible, i'm not sure. i realize they are both last season but seriously, this cheap? i haddddd to get them. wouldn't you?

then i went to tj maxx.

abercrombie jeans: $24.99   kipling bag: $28

i've giving myself a round of applause for those steals. i basically got $300 of stuff for $100. schwwwwingggggg.

anyways. time to get homework and all that loveliness going. if you are in need of anything, i say shop now. you will not be disappointed.

last note: sorry for the crap pictures. i was too lazy to break out an actual camera and used the crackberry.

anxiety

so...i have anxiety.

at first it was just a little...but now, its a lot. i've been put on some super small dose of medication to control it but to be honest, it doesn't do much.

tonight t is completely out of control for no apparent reason. there isn't a thing i'm anxious or stressed about. maybe thats it...i'm stressed that i'm not stressed? who knows.


either way it sucks. when it gets bad (like tonight) i actually get numb. my arms and fingers get numb. sometimes i convince myself its a sign of diabetes but i eat so well and it only happens once in a great while....so basically, i'm just crazy.

its hard to talk about because if you don't have anxiety like this, its a hard thing to understand. when i do talk about it, it gives me anxiety thinking about what the person is thinking about what i am saying. vicious circle right?

anyways. i'm going to bed early tonight in hopes i will wake up well rested and ready to go tomorrow. here's hoping! if you have anxiety like me, go see someone. anything helps, i promise!

hahaaha.